Why You Shouldn’t Stay Friends With Your Ex
It’s great to stay on ‘good terms’ with your ex, it’s a much easier and more mature approach than hating them and plotting revenge. But this doesn’t mean you have to become best buddies.
Sometimes Most of the time, the situation turns into another painful break up…
You weren’t friends to begin with
You might have started out as friends first, but most of us start a relationship because there’s an attraction or romantic sparks from the beginning. It’s complicated to start being friends when you only know how to be in a romantic relationship with this person. What are you supposed to talk about with your new ‘friend’? How are you going to start acting around them now? It now becomes inappropriate to kiss and cuddle and say you love one another; it’s a painful adjustment that probably isn’t worth it.
A messy FWB situation
Most of us still have some feelings for our exes when we first split up, we can’t just shut off immediately! This is the time when you should be staying away from each other and learning to move on on your own; staying in contact and meeting up may eventually lead to becoming ‘friends with benefits’. Uncomplicated fun suddenly turns into romantic feelings again and although this situation might seem like a good way to start your relationship back up, your ex might not feel the same way, and then it’s like a break up all over again.
You’ll have to watch them move on
So your friendship is going swimmingly and you realise that you’re getting on better than ever… then the bomb drops that they’re seeing someone else. Now that you’re ‘buddies’ it’s part of your job to meet their new love interest; a weird, uncomfortable and upsetting situation for only one person – you. Now getting out of the friendship is harder because you don’t want that to look like the reason you’ve backed off – welcome to lots of awkward nights out and unfairly comparing yourself to someone else.
You’re putting future relationships at risk
If you do manage to become good friends with your ex and you both don’t have a problem with it, a new partner still might find it difficult to deal with. It’s not because they’re controlling or insanely jealous, it’s just hard to start fresh when it feels like someone from your partner’s past is hanging around in the picture. Think about if you were put in that situation (similar to above). You might be damaging your chance at happiness in new relationship by hanging on to an old, broken one.
You split for a reason
You broke up because you didn’t want to or just couldn’t stay together anymore, if you both really wanted to keep seeing each other then why aren’t you back together? You wouldn’t usually be friends with someone who didn’t respect you or treat you right, this situation isn’t any different. When the ‘let’s stay friends’ line is brought up, it’s usually to soften the blow of the break up. You’re not a bad person for never wanting to see them again.
Until next time,
The Just Singles Team.
About the author…
Rachel is a Marketing Executive. She’s obsessed with Game of Thrones and country music. Her favourite pastime is cuddling up with her two Labradors and binge watching Netflix.