Benching is yet another sad trend to creep into the dating world almost unnoticed. Most people have never heard the term – but it’s definitely one to be aware of! Here’s everything you need to know about benching and how to escape it…

What is benching?

You’ve been talking to someone online for a while and it’s going really great. But every time you ask or even hint about meeting up with them in person they always seem to be busy or are ready with some sort of excuse. This person is probably benching you, which means they are keeping you as a back-up plan whilst they meet up and talk to other people.

Does it happen a lot?

With dating sites like JustSingles, as soon as you log in you have a whole world of singles right at your fingertips. You’re bound to talk to many people, often at the same time and you’ll have your favourites. This is all fine and normal. But some people tend to know outright that you’re not the one, yet they still message you like you are.  Some people don’t like the thought of ending up alone, so they like to have a few back-ups to make themselves feel better.

What do I do if I get benched?

If your suggestions to meet up continue to be knocked back, try a different approach. Ask them to pick a day when they are free. This way you’ll know one way or the other if they really do want to meet you. Sometimes it may be that this person is actually a bit shy about meeting you and they’re not actually benching you at all. Trust your instincts – if this person truly liked you they would find a way to meet you. Despite your efforts if they persist with the excuses – now’s the time to be honest. Tell them that even though you like them, you’re here to find a real relationship. Explain how you feel like you want different things. Then break away from this person and start focusing on others instead.

How do I avoid benching someone?

If you’re reading this and thinking about all those singles you’ve got on reserve – now’s the time to stop. Stringing people along is never OK. If you know you’re not that into them and it’s never going to work – let them down gently. Tell them you’re sorry but you feel that you’re just too different. Wish them luck with their future search and let them go. You might think that it’s not a big deal keeping your options open, but this person might be really invested in you. By stringing them along you might be preventing them from moving on and finding someone who is a great match for them. Basically once you know it’s a no, let them down gently and both move on to better things.

So don’t spend your life on the bench! Join the game and become man/woman of the match! You are worth someone who wants to spend time with you…

Until next time,

The Just Singles Team