Moving In Together
This week Hayley talks about taking the next step…
You know the old story: You meet someone. You fall in love. Then, somewhere between dating and marriage is the all-important step of moving in together.
For some people it’s the make-or-break phase of a relationship, while for others moving in is a practical option of pooling resources. I always saw it as a step into “adulthood” i.e. super scary and probably worth avoiding.
So when my dear friend announced she and her boyfriend of 6 months were looking for an apartment together (and no one was pregnant), I had to find out more.
“Love!”, Sally exclaimed. “Love is why we’re moving in together. I know he’s the One”. I almost gritted my teeth at the sound of the word. I knew Sally was sensible and never rushed into relationships so this seemed out of character. After only a few short months with her boyfriend, the couple had decided it was high time to find a nest of their own.
“But don’t you think it’s a little too soon to move in together. You guys are still in the Honeymoon phase. What if this is all rose-tinted goggles and you regret it?”
Sally smiled almost patronizingly. “I know we haven’t been together for even a year but it makes sense to me”. She went on to explain…
Whether or not a couple works is pretty dependent on how well they co-habit. Almost like sleeping together to test sexual compatibility, Sally argued that moving in together was the only way to find out if they had the potential to go all the way. (All the way by the way meaning marriage as opposed to fourth base is also scary.)
“Besides, when you sleep with someone for the first time it isn’t always perfect. You learn how to please them and how you want to be pleased. You grow and learn. Same thing with moving in. You learn things about each other, right?”.
“….right”, I reluctantly answered. “But what if all you learn is he’s annoying and you hate him?”.
“Then it wasn’t meant to be. Nothing is undoable! Just move out”.
Remarkably simple (maybe too simple) yet it seemed to make sense. I guess that’s what love does to you. After all, on paper it’s a great idea: sharing a house with someone you can crush on and are allowed to fool around with. What’s not to like? After our conversation I came to my own conclusion. I think most people expect perfection straight away instead of feeling they’re allowed to grow and learn about each other. So maybe I won’t be rushing to move in with the next lucky guy I’m with, but at least I’ll be less strict on the rules of our relationship – maybe being an ‘adult’ won’t be so bad after all.
What do you think? Is it ever too soon to move in with a new partner, or do you, like Sally, believe it’s the only way to find out if it’s going to last? Tell us your thoughts below.
Until next time,
The Just Singles Team.