This week Hayley shares her views on women making the first move…

There’s an assumption in the dating world that men NEED to make the first move.

I know the “rules” and I know most women never initiate. My girlfriends would laugh at the idea. I also have a ton of guy friends who prefer if they did the chasing.

But it’s these same girl friends that complain about the string of losers and jerks that seem to hit on them. It’s also these guys who protest that they put in twice the effort for half the results.

With everyone complaining ‘where are all the good guys/ girls/ both’ something’s clearly not working.

But still it seems kinda weird for women to make the first move; for all kind of baloney reasons:

•    It’s not feminine (because obviously being a woman involves sitting QUIETLY in a corner!)
•    She comes off as easy (cos hitting on a guy makes you a hussy – obvs!)
•    It will scare off the guy (see above.)
•    She needs to continue to do ‘manly’ things like paying for dinner, picking him up etc (What?! Things should be 50/50 no matter who hit on who!)

You know what I think?

When the rules aren’t working they need to be broken.

Back when I was in college I joined the local yoga club. As you expect the class was overrun by women except for a handful of men who were mostly gay. There was this one guy though. His name was Max. He was a shy, unassuming but incredibly ripped man. Most girls wrote him off as either gay or too shy to make the first move. Well they were half right. When he started joining the gym Max was 100lb overweight and incredibly shy. But he wanted to change his circumstance and fitness was one route he followed. So a year later is when I meet Max. With a killer bod and still that nice guy aura. But the poor guy is still shy and let’s all these beautiful opportunities pass him by. Not that I was complaining! He was a catch and breaking all the “rules” one day after class I decide it was about time I asked him for a coffee.

Our coffee date goes really well. That’s where I learn about his past and see what a funny, sensitive and radiant soul he has. Max ended up being my college sweetheart and we helped each other to grow. I helped him to come out of his shell and he taught me a ton about myself (and yoga). But would I ever have had this wonderful experience if I didn’t make the first move? No way.

Ladies – men appreciate someone who puts in as much effort as them. No one wants relationships to feel one-sided.
Fellas – welcoming a strong woman into your life doesn’t make you less of a guy. It makes you more of a man.

I’ve got no problems with the way things are. It works for most people. But for everyone else who’s frustrated – don’t be backward in being forward!

Until next time,

The Just Singles Team.