This week, Hayley talks us through her experience of having to put someone in the friend zone…
“Friend Zone”. It’s a word despised by men everywhere.
Like most people you empathize with the guy: pat him on the back, console the poor soul and buy him a drink.
Of course women are the villains, the teases or the idiots who don’t know a good thing when they see it. But in fact, most women are riddled with guilt.
Likewise I found myself in a similarly sticky situation…
I happen to keep a circle of good guy friends who have always been, and always will be, just friends. However one “bro” moved into the circle about six months ago. I always got the feeling that Freddie was into me but dismissed it because I had no proof, and admitting that felt BIG HEADED. Then last week he asked me out to the movies. I was in the mood for a blockbuster so I gladly accepted and asked which day suited the rest of the boys.
“Oh I thought maybe you and I could go…together”, he said sheepishly.
Houston, we have a problem.
Yes that was the moment it dawned that Freddie was asking me out on a date. Momentarily stunned and cringing on the inside, I told him that I’d find a theater that was near us both. Later that day I consulted a mutual friend who told me that indeed, Freddie had a crush on me but apparently it was against the “bro code” to disclose that information. He said I should treat Freddie like “one of the boys” – which as far as I’m concerned I had been – and he should get the message. Unfortunately men are notoriously selective with understanding the message so, sighing, I thanked him and headed home.
What followed was awkward; I didn’t want to hurt Freddie but I didn’t want to lead him on. I think most people mistake being “Friend Zoned” as a one-way tragedy. It’s not. I was genuinely upset. He’s a lovely man but not my type for several reasons; we don’t have chemistry and our lifestyles are incompatible. So I was looking for the most humane way of letting him know it wasn’t on.
The day came when we were finally together in the cinema. I half expected an arm to find its way over my chair. Feeling increasingly uncomfortable I willed the film to be over and finally the credits rolled. As we stepped out into the street, it was only 9pm and Freddie turned to me…
“So what do you want to do next?”, he smiled expectantly.
“Feeling pretty tired. Going home. Going to meet my boyfriend tomorrow!”, I blurted.
I hadn’t even planned to say it. Freddie’s face dropped instantly and he wished me a good night. As I walked to the subway I felt a mix of relief, awkwardness and guilt. But I knew it would be worse not to do it.
Sure it was a clumsy way of putting him in the Friend Zone but sometimes the truth, that sets you free, isn’t always the most humane.
Have you had to put someone in the Friend Zone? Or maybe you were the one zoned out? Let us know below!
Until next time,
The Just Singles Team.