Friend Zoned
This week, Hayley talks us through her experience of having to put someone in the friend zone…
“Friend Zone”. It’s a word despised by men everywhere.
Like most people you empathize with the guy: pat him on the back, console the poor soul and buy him a drink.
Of course women are the villains, the teases or the idiots who don’t know a good thing when they see it. But in fact, most women are riddled with guilt.
Likewise I found myself in a similarly sticky situation…
I happen to keep a circle of good guy friends who have always been, and always will be, just friends. However one “bro” moved into the circle about six months ago. I always got the feeling that Freddie was into me but dismissed it because I had no proof, and admitting that felt BIG HEADED. Then last week he asked me out to the movies. I was in the mood for a blockbuster so I gladly accepted and asked which day suited the rest of the boys.
“Oh I thought maybe you and I could go…together”, he said sheepishly.
Houston, we have a problem.
Yes that was the moment it dawned that Freddie was asking me out on a date. Momentarily stunned and cringing on the inside, I told him that I’d find a theater that was near us both. Later that day I consulted a mutual friend who told me that indeed, Freddie had a crush on me but apparently it was against the “bro code” to disclose that information. He said I should treat Freddie like “one of the boys” – which as far as I’m concerned I had been – and he should get the message. Unfortunately men are notoriously selective with understanding the message so, sighing, I thanked him and headed home.
What followed was awkward; I didn’t want to hurt Freddie but I didn’t want to lead him on. I think most people mistake being “Friend Zoned” as a one-way tragedy. It’s not. I was genuinely upset. He’s a lovely man but not my type for several reasons; we don’t have chemistry and our lifestyles are incompatible. So I was looking for the most humane way of letting him know it wasn’t on.
The day came when we were finally together in the cinema. I half expected an arm to find its way over my chair. Feeling increasingly uncomfortable I willed the film to be over and finally the credits rolled. As we stepped out into the street, it was only 9pm and Freddie turned to me…
“So what do you want to do next?”, he smiled expectantly.
“Feeling pretty tired. Going home. Going to meet my boyfriend tomorrow!”, I blurted.
I hadn’t even planned to say it. Freddie’s face dropped instantly and he wished me a good night. As I walked to the subway I felt a mix of relief, awkwardness and guilt. But I knew it would be worse not to do it.
Sure it was a clumsy way of putting him in the Friend Zone but sometimes the truth, that sets you free, isn’t always the most humane.
Have you had to put someone in the Friend Zone? Or maybe you were the one zoned out? Let us know below!
Until next time,
The Just Singles Team.
Hello! In reference to your article above about being in the friend-zone, well it surprised me that this is a Christian based site. You sound like a sweet lady and sound well-intentioned. However…what are you doing sitting alone in theatre, wondering if a guy is going to put his arm around you, when you already “Have a Boyfriend” ? Sounds like you need a lot of attention other than your current boyfriend. It is very “Normal” for a male to be attracted to a female. That is how God made us, and it sounds like you want to treat yourself to any man you like for attention and personal satisfaction without any remorse for his hurt feelings or that you find him annoying that he may just want to put his arm around you…What is this? How does this make you, the fellow at the theatre and your boyfriend feel? Please start regarding other’s feelings before you lead them into a pseudo-romance. It’s not funny or nice. This is coming from an attractive mid-age woman who treats a man with respect and honors his presence to take time to entertain and spend an evening of “His” valuable time with “Me”. What does God’s word say about how to behave with men. Many scriptures regarding this. God bless you, Honey! And I know you’re still learning, we all did. Love, Viv
Hayley
Just brilliant. Straight talking is a much understated and underestimated skill and one to be encouraged. Keep on with it.
Andy x
how do i put someone in the ignore list please..?????
Hi Jennie,
You’ll find the ‘Ignore’ button at the bottom right of every profile.
Kind Regards,
The Just Dating Group Team.
Yes, I’ve had to put someone in the friend zone and it’s not for the reason one would think off-hand. He and I met on a similar dating website and we hit it off big time. Then it occurred to me that we became “daters” before we became friends….WOW—->Big mistake. I let the “dating relationship” go, and soon enough we lost the “relationship” all together. Months later, he begins to text crude pictures to me in a way of an invite. I advised him that I only had an interest in being his friend. He said that he wasn’t going backwards. The bad part of it all is that had he gotten to know my heart instead of “romance,” he would’ve known romance by getting to know my heart…oh well lol
hi everyone i have been divorced for 5year now i have 4 kids wich 3 are all grown up and 1 who is a teenager i lv my job makin kilts and bagpipe covers and officers jackets ect i am a very bubbly person i am very staight person an tell u as it is 1 of my disavantages lol
Hi Elaine!
There’s nothing wrong with being straight talking!
Why not check out Just Divorced Singles? It’s a great way of meeting people in a similar situation to yourself – http://justdg.co/VPySkt
Kind Regards,
The Just Dating Group Team.
hi u have to keep your guard up I am49 yrs old legally separated I have 3children 1 lives with me I was hurt real bad when my wife tol dme she wantwd a divorce after20 yrs
Hi Randy,
Divorce is never easy. That’s why we think it helps to get back on the dating scene with people who understand. Why not check out Just Divorced Singles? http://justdg.co/VPySkt.
Kind Regards,
The Just Dating Group Team.
This is the hard part, i am a single parent i am 63 years old, i dont feel or look it. I dress well and speak well, february 2013 my daughter Bernadette went out on sat, 19th january, her friends left her on her own, on sunday 20th Bernadette froze to death in the Snow. I identified Bernadette at Q E Q M. Margate Bernadettes mother did not attend, Bernadettes mother did not go to the Funeral, i have had to pay thousands towards the funeral. Bernadettes mother has not paid a penny towards the funeral. I need help writing, i do not know what to write , i expect i will join.JUST SINGLES. COM
Hi Roger,
We’re so sorry to hear of your terrible loss.
If you do become a member of Just Singles, we have a dedicated Customer Care Team on hand to help with whatever you need. The best advice we can give to anyone writing a profile for the first time is to browse others profiles’ for inspiration.
Kind Regards,
The Just Dating Group Team.