Dating As A Parent
This week Hayley talks about the reality of dating as a single parent…
The world of dating is complicated at the best of times, but imagine how much harder it is when you have a child.
The challenge of balancing parenthood with romance is one that I haven’t yet faced. However I am noticing an increase in my friends having babies! Amy, my old roommate from college, contacted me last month on Facebook. I hadn’t seen or heard from her in years and as we “friended” each other, I got myself up to speed with her life. Shortly after graduation she worked for a publishing company. She then met and married her husband. Unfortunately the marriage didn’t last and since last year she has been a single mom of one beautiful daughter. Amy invited me to her apartment for a reunion. I also got to meet her gorgeous baby Tatiana.
“So how’s life?” I asked. Amy told me that she was just getting back into the dating scene.
“It’s hard”, she answered. “I automatically expect less because I know having a child is unappealing for most men”.
As difficult as it was for me to swallow, I got thinking about what she said… ‘does that old stereotype about dating as a single parent still hold true? Really?!’
Although Amy was smart, beautiful, in great shape and had a steady job, she was right. The few single moms and dads I’d come across all echoed her remark. They expected less because having a child is seen as a liability. This saddened me. So I put the feelers out and my social circle led me to Henry; a dad of three whom after his divorce two years ago finally remarried.
Henry said that being a parent comes first. Partners may change but family is constant. Everyone gets lonely but parental duties come first. I asked him how he met his new wife. I presumed that parents looking for love are less willing to check out bars and clubs where the focus is on fun rather than commitment. “I tried looking online”, he said. “There are websites for everything these days, even single parents! But I found Vanessa through a mutual friend”.
“I never thought to ask her out because I assumed she wouldn’t be interested in a guy with three children. But we grew closer and it just happened. Romance”.
Henry’s story heartened me and I relayed his message to Amy.
I know it isn’t easy for anyone to find “the One” but when you have a little person relying on you as well, love seems like a luxury you just can’t afford. I am a firm believer that we get what we expect. If you are resigned to second best from the start, you’re not going to see the opportunities in front of you.
So even if your little bundle(s) of joy keep you run off your feet for most of the day, take 3 minutes out to hop online, and who knows? Mr or Mrs Right could be just a few clicks away…
Until next time,
The Just Singles Team.