This week Hayley gives her views on dating with an age gap…
They say that a man grows into his looks the older he gets.
This struck me when I recently viewed David Beckham in his latest commercial. As a guy approaching his forties, he was definitely looking “distinguished”. I got thinking about how the fairer sex age. Although there will always be the Catherine Deneuve‘s and Sophia Loren‘s of the world – who mature like a fine wine – for most of us gals it’s always going to be an uphill struggle.
What then if you’re an older woman with a younger man in tow – aren’t you asking for trouble?
The labels “toy boy”, “cougar”, “MILF” and “yummy mummy” always make me squirm – like I’m an ageing tiger, and he’s err fresh meat. I admit it – I’ve dated younger than myself and unfortunately it ended badly. And yes, that was partially due to age.
So does age actually make any difference in a relationship?
In my opinion what it really boils down to (as far as chronology is concerned) is:
1. Your relative ages
2. Your life experience (maturity)
3. Where you are in your lives
When I was dating my younger ex, there was only a three-year difference between us. However I was 23 at the time and he was 20. As you can guess he had a lot of growing up to do. Then again I know of a 29-year-old career woman who lives with her 21-year-old boyfriend. She has a traditional office job, whilst he is a musician and bartender. Although this looks slippery slope on paper, they are an amazing couple. She brings financial stability and he brings domestic stability. When I asked her what differentiated him from the others, she told me that he had a really rough up bringing which made him grow up quickly. His levels of maturity were that of a family man. The difference is she’d spotted someone who was ‘relationship material’ not because of his age, but because of where he’s at mentally. Here was a young guy, yes, but one that really liked DVD marathons with her on a Sunday.
If your younger man is on the rebound, laser focused on his career or in a mad haze of sowing his wild oats then forget it! You and your potential lover will clash over your priorities… and then you’ll have to put up with a hell of a lot of ‘I told you so’s’ about your ‘cougaring’.
I really believe age is irrelevant if you’re both on the same page. You’ll find young spirits and old heads all around you, so it’s all about finding your best fit. Most people lose sight of what their priorities are and wind up on some romantic tangent into trouble.
Which can be fun, but not always satisfying.
So if you’re conscious of your where you’re at and what you want, dating up or down the chronology ladder doesn’t have to be a huge taboo.
After all, age is in the eye of the beholder.
Until next time,
The Just Singles Team.