Picture the scene: candlelit dinner, bottle of vino, you’re sitting across from your man. There’s something special in the air. He has a gift to give you. What could it be? He unfurls his hand to reveal a small box. You gasp already practicing your best “I do” voice…

Unfortunately things aren’t what they seem.

That excruciating moment when a girl is presented with a ring box, only to open it with excitement and discover it is an Eternity ring. OUCH. Fortunately the scene I speak of isn’t me. The gifts I receive are practical. Turkey basters, sink strainers, super glue… not that I am complaining. I prefer that to an-almost-engagement-ring. But what is it about men and their gifts?

As I told my boyfriend this tale, his reply was simple: “If you get a ring box from me, it’ll be for the ‘big stuff’”, followed by an over-the-top wink.

Big stuff? I wonder if that means he’ll put a doorstopper in this box. Maybe even a paperweight.

I definitely do not want an Eternity ring. I did use the turkey baster over Christmas, the sink strainers have been useful, and I needed the glue for around my apartment so I really did appreciate my selection box of practicals. However I think he needs to work harder for the title of most romantic gift-giver. After all, I can’t even make these gifts sexy. I haven’t been basted or stuck to anything.

This is what I’ve observed about men and their gifts:

They buy you things they secretly want (tools, sports merchandise)
They buy you things they want you to use for their benefit (lingerie, outfits)
They buy you practical things (batteries, keyrings)

So I have decided to teach him a lesson and fight fire with fire. I bought him an egg poacher. He’s been promising me breakfast in bed for what feels like an eternity. So now there’s no excuse. Quite amusingly too, this contraption does bear a passing resemblance to a testicle boiler. Use your imagination and wince.I think he’ll get the hint.

I am someone who needs a lot of practical supplies to function. He knows this and buys me stuff that makes my life easier. However if he wants to toss in the odd cute or romantic gift, then I will feel very well looked after. But men of the world, listen up: if you want to woo a woman then a crash course perusing a magazine or the internet can bring up a great selection of fun, sexy and (most importantly) non-practical gifts that will open up your world.

Finally, I had better add that my guy does his fair share of sweet things, which I immediately text pictures of to my girls followed with hearts and lots of kisses for him. His last words were on the topic were “And don’t forget the torch I brought last week!”

Thanks for reminding me darling.

About the author…

Hayley is the UK’s leading female dating expert, working with huge brands such as Channel 4, Cosmopolitan, FHM and the Independent. To find out more, check out HayleyQuinn.com or follow her on Twitter @HayleyQuinn.