A Case of The Ex


In most cases, the word ‘ex’ fills people both young and old with regret, panic and dread. If the old saying preaches; ‘Our ex’s are ex’s for a reason’, then why once we’ve self labelled an individual as an ‘ex’ do we toil over everything that ever was in that relationship?

After the initial break-up, constant thoughts flood our heads as we beat ourselves up with ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’s’- everyone does it, and it’s only natural to over-think every last detail and doubt our own judgements, but the truth is our ex’s are our ex’s for a reason. If they weren’t then we’d still be with them, simple.

It’s common to have a closet full of ex’s we’d rather forget; for a majority of us there’s the good, the bad, and the ‘what the hell was I thinking?!’ But despite whether or not the breakup was mutual, on your own terms (‘It’s not you it’s me’), or you involuntarily had your heart ripped out by your so called ‘other-half’, most of us tackle potential new romances by using our ‘ex’ as a yardstick of comparison. I suggest we put a stop to this! It’s a new year, so what better way to start 2014 than to leave our baggage behind and give those closets a good old clear out? If you’re going to think about him/her, try to focus on the lessons and experiences that person has taught you. Clutching on to old feelings will only prevent your future happiness with someone else. No two people are the same, so just because you’ve had one bad break-up does not mean you’re due for more.

If you’ve recently split from someone, try not to use any form of social media to post about your ex or your feelings. It’s only going to tell them (and the world) that you’re struggling to come to terms with the separation and you’ll only end up feeling worse about it. If the relationship ended badly, an indirect post will only inflate their ego and dent yours. Keep your issues between yourselves rather than make it the gossip of others. By posting a witty meme that you’re ‘ so over it’, or tweeting that you’re so much better off without them is only doing the complete opposite; notifying everyone that you are in fact not, and when you finally decide to move on you don’t want your old posts coming back to haunt you, potentially hindering a new relationship. If you need to get it all off your chest, chat to your friends or do something to take your mind off everything or if all else fails – scream into a pillow!

Try not to let your ‘ex’ become an excuse. Don’t be afraid to explore potential new relationships. One person may of hurt you but that doesn’t mean they all will. Get yourself back out there and be brave! There’s plenty of people you could meet that are going to be more interested in you rather than in what your past has to offer. I agree to a certain extent that our past shapes our future, however, by living for the now and seizing new opportunities with a fresh outlook, who knows what may come of it? If you’re recently single, embrace the thrill of it and turn those negative thoughts of your ‘ex’ into something exciting!

Let your 2014 be the year of the ‘ex-cercise’- forget working out and work on starting the new year afresh, shake off those feelings of regret, panic and dread every time the ‘ex’ word is mentioned and embrace what may come of your newly cleared out closet!

Are you finding it hard to move on? Or maybe you’ve found a great way of putting it all behind you? Let us know below!

The Just Singles Team.

About the author…


Chantelle is a Customer Care Executive. A recent graduate from the University of Sussex, she has a degree in Sociology and a has fascination with human behavior. She loves everything about the 90’s and is determined to travel the world.

2 responses to “A Case of The Ex”

  1. Wendy says:

    Thank you, Paul! I had to end a 6 month relationship due to my partner having depression/delayed grief issues that made him behave in ways totally counter to the ‘Nice Guy’ image he projected to everyone. Even at the start I remember thinking ‘No one is that nice all the time, it’s not natural’, but I gave him a chance because he did seem to be a good person underneath. And we did have a wonderful time at the start, we seemed really compatible (now I see that he was just agreeing with me all the time to preserve his ‘Nice Guy’ image).

    I have spent a good deal of time breaking my heart, wondering what I did wrong, what I did that could make him dislike me so much that he would betray and deceive me when I had been nothing but patient, kind and understanding for over 3 months. I have been telling myself that it wasn’t me, it was his illness and his unwillingness to take responsibility for his own feelings, his resistance to deal with his issues. No amount of rational explaining to myself has been working. My thoughts have kept on repeating: could I have done more? should I have done more? was I too hasty in finishing the relationship? etc. etc.

    Then I saw your post on here and suddenly I didn’t feel quite so alone. So thank you, it was my first ray of light during what has been a very dark time.

  2. Paul says:

    I enjoyed reading that post.
    I had a break up with my now ex-wife in September 2012 after only two years of happy marriage, she has mental issues. Even now I find my mind wandering back to happier times, asking how and why it went so wrong. I am learning to change that. I know that if I have a thought about her it will lead to a feeling and then and action, normally drink loads of alcohol. So as soon as the thought pops into my head I change my thinking. I think of something else and I don’t get the feeling. It works, most of the time and I cope most of the time.
    I just need more time!