3 Dates 3 Months – The Power Hour
She tried JustSingles.com, she looked for love at an Ice Hockey match and now it’s time for our final 3 Dates 3 Months update from Nixalina, aka Sex & London City. Read on to find out what she’s been up to for challenge number 3…
This is my third and final installment for the Just Singles #3dates3mths challenge, boo hoo. But don’t be sad because I believe I have in fact saved the best ’til last with this little bad boy. I have stumbled upon the best idea I’ve ever had and I am quite frankly disappointed in myself for not coining this phrase much earlier. I mean, I’ve done it before but never realised the beauty of it all, how amazing this idea truly is. I am of course talking about the ‘Power Hour‘ lunch time date. F*ck yeah.
I have the tube strike to thank really, for yesterday I was enjoying a work from home day and chilling out in front of laptop with some music on, having a great ol’ time. Then I get this text from a guy who is new on the Nixie scene. I know of him more than I know him, if that makes sense. We’ve done the mild chatting every now and again but, never actually hung out. So I get this out of the blue text saying he’s around my way and would I be free for a drink at all…my initial reaction is always ‘sure next week‘ reply. But I thought, hang onnnnn a f*cking minute, I am free today. I was at home and still due an hour break, this guy was roughly 5 minutes away from my apartment and so…I decided…well why not? I text him explaining I can give him an hour of my time and he seemed pretty cool with it, so, last minute lunch date was suddenly a thing. What is the worst that can happen? *famous last words*
Actually, they were not my famous last words because the date was f*cking awesome. He is newly turned 25, works in London just like me, with a really stable decent job and a career ladder to climb too. We ladies do think about these things you know… long term ideals are always an initial thought when entering first dates. He is an attractive man make no mistake, with a self-assured confidence that reminds me of Leo DiCaprio. Without any arrogance or bragging he tells me all of his life achievements, his goals, and guess what… was actually interested in MINE too. He asked a shit load of questions that I enjoyed answering, without probing too much. He revealed just the right amount of information about himself that kept me wanting to know more, and so whilst he only laid a few cards from his hand onto the table, I was still always wanting to see the full deck. You get me? Men (and women) struggle with this often but, there is a firm difference between being cold and aloof, to being open and genuine, and then way too much. I often find men are emotionally removed from a situation or are such a closed book, I can’t work out if they’re interested in me or despise me. You need to offer something to the other person as a hint or suggestion that you want more, without being over the top and too exposed at the same time. It’s a fine balance. This guy…he got it spot on.
He made me laugh, and complimented me on my appearance which was actually not cheesy, but nice to hear. Due to the last minute scheduling of this date, I hadn’t got over-dressed or worked up about it all. No black liner, no red lips, not even foundation – I just shoved on some blusher, lip tint and mascara, put my hair in a low ponytail and headed out the door. I didn’t have time to do anything more, and yet bizarrely, it seemed to have had more of a positive impact. I felt like I could really be myself, and I think this was due to the combination of both my natural appearance (nothing to hide behind) and the way he made me feel at ease. For instance, I am a very affectionate person. I love to be touched, cuddled, hugged, stroked, kissed… it’s my thing. Leo held my hand across the table after 20 minutes of sitting down with our drinks. That is self-confidence at its very best. Bravo Sir.
Leo aside for one moment, lets address this lunch time power hour date idea. I’ll explain why I think it is genius. Firstly, I didn’t have time to get accidentally drunk. So many dates end up badly because you started off with such elegant decorum, downed a few wines to dispel the nerves and ended up a disheveled wreck on his sofa or worse, the pavement. No no no. With particular interest on first dates, drinks should be kept to two maximum. Here is where the lunch date is brilliant – you literally cannot drink more than that within the 60 minutes. Unless of course you’re necking drinks like you’ve swan in from the Sahara desert, or you’re doing shots plus wine, in which case we need a little chat on date decorum anyway! Two drinks max, one if you’ve opted for a long drink. I had a large glass of wine, and that was it. Stay classy amigos.
Next is the other idea that we fuck up on dates. We need to keep them wanting more. You hear me? LEAVE THEM WANTING. What should happen when you leave his presence, is you’re still on his mind and he immediately wants to schedule some time to see you again. If you hang around on the first date for hours and hours, you run the risk of laying all of your cards on the table too early. Enigmatic is your aim ladies, and the power hour lunch date offers just this. You simply HAVE to leave him, even if both of you don’t want to. You can always comment how fast the time flew together, and explain you’re gutted you can’t stay longer. This is great because it shows you’re interested beyond just this drink, but you still take your gracious leave of absence.
Also, if you’re dating on your lunch break, they get to see ‘you‘ on your everyday vibe. You show off who you are not all glammed up in dresses and heels, but maybe a skirt and blouse or, if you’re at a chilled creative company like me, leggings boots and a boy’s tee. Men actually prefer this low maintenance woman and yes, whilst it is nice you went out of your way to dress up, you’ve probably gone too far out of your way. We don’t want to come off as a try hard do we girls? No we don’t. Lunch dates elevate that possibility. Sweet!
There is also no awkward ‘who is paying the bill?‘ glances on lunch dates. If you eat, keep it light, and with one or two drinks maximum, the bill won’t be huge at all. This way, either one won’t mind taking it to their card, which is nice. It is never good to have a dude feel he has to pay for the date, especially if he genuinely can’t afford it. That’s lame.
A significant plus is of course, if the date is utter shit, it is only an hour. You do not have to make up any lame excuses to run away, or get your best mate to administer that fake emergency call. You can sit there and endure the hour knowing that, once 60 minutes is up, you can excuse yourself and never see him again. There is nothing worse than committing to dinner date plans with a man and realise he is an utter knob before the waiter has even managed to remove your starter plates. Yes, I have been there. Yes, a black hole was appealing by the time we got to dessert. F*ck that sh*t. If the man is a douche bag you can return to work and be thankful he hasn’t swallowed up your entire evening, then schedule a last minute cocktail eve with your girls instead. If you love the guy and want to extend the date, you can always suggest you’re free that night or the following evening, and keep that initial spark ignited.
Anyway I’m wrapping this up for now. I’ve offered enough points for you all to see, lunch dates are the way forward. And with regards to my Leo… yes I will totally see him again. Probably this weekend in fact, if I find the time. Although it is my birthday weekend so…chances are… I’ll be running around Kent hammered until Monday. Maybe I’ll postpone, it is too early for him to see the ‘party girl‘ side of me. She is a nightmare.
We’ve loved reading Nixalina’s dating adventures, and we’re sure you have to! To read more, check out her blog Sex & London City, here. And for those of you in or around London, don’t forget Nixalina is hosting a Single Girl Seminar this Saturday 17th May! Click here to find out more.
Until next time,
The Just Singles Team.